To the Ones Who Are Tired of Being the “Strong One”
Let’s be honest, sometimes it’s easiest to say “I’m just busy”.
It’s the best answer, right? The socially acceptable one, especially in a fast-paced world. But often, we’re not busy. We’re overwhelmed.
“Busy” sounds productive, like we’ve accomplished everything. But underneath it, we’re exhausted. Sometimes staying busy even makes us feel confident, like we’re doing the “right thing.” Like we’re the strong one. Over time, being “busy” becomes part of our identity.
But what would happen if we stopped? If we took that much needed break.
If we stop and take that break, the calendar has an opening, and we get one quiet moment, we might begin to feel things that are even more uncomfortable than being busy. Many of us are tired. The truth is more people are tired than you think. You’re not alone in this. You’re tired of being the dependable one, the calm one, the one who has it all together.
For some reason, though, we continue to keep our schedule full, our bodies busy, and our emotions hidden. Not because we have it all together or because we’re really feeling calm, but because if we slow down we might have to admit that we’re really tired of being the strong one all the time.
Sometimes we stay busy so we don’t have to admit we’re tired of being the strong one.
Let’s take a look at some of the reasons we do this and how we can begin to truly feel better.
Being the “Strong One” Becomes our Identity
You have probably taken on the role of being the dependable friend, sibling or partner. Maybe this applies to your career, being a mother, a college student, you name it. Early on we hear people praise us for all we have taken on, which conditions us to feel good about ourselves. The behaviors associated with being busy become our strength. Well then what happens next is (I’m sure you guessed it), we don’t want to let anyone down. This becomes a cycle that starts to take over our life and greatly affects our mental health.
Busyness Becomes our Armor
Sometimes staying busy and filling up our schedule protects us from having to feel and process emotions. Productivity can feel protective. Being useful can make you feel safe. But the reality is, it’s okay to slow down and name your emotions. You can be busy and still allow time for yourself. What would it look like if you set aside an hour a day for yourself or maybe even just start with 30 minutes? We’re all human and we should allow ourselves to be just that. We are allowed to make mistakes, to take time for ourselves, to tell someone we need a break, to be busy and strong without ALWAYS being the strong one.
We’re Avoiding the Quiet
Sometimes silence feels louder than the chaos. Who can relate to that? In the silence, our thoughts just might feel like they are screaming at us. Unprocessed grief resurfaces. Suppressed anger lingers. We might even feel very lonely in the silence. I’m here to tell you that you are not alone. These are real feelings and the exhaustion of always seeming regulated for everyone else can show up in many different ways.
Let’s talk about what this is doing to you and your mental health, and what you can do about it.
There’s a Cost to Always Being Strong
You know that feeling of always being on autopilot. This might be what your “busy” feels like. Feeling emotionally numb and disconnected. Feeling unseen, yet still expected to be the “strong one.” These are the emotional and mental symptoms that are associated, but it can also manifest into physical symptoms. You may experience burnout, increased anxiety, tension all over your body. Don’t worry, you don’t have to continue feeling like that. And that brings me to my next point…
Therapy is about YOU (For once, allow yourself to take care of you)
Guess what? Therapy is a place where you don’t have to perform. You don’t have to have it all together. You don’t have to comfort anyone, take care of anyone, or be the strong, busy one. You can say, “I’m overwhelmed, I’m anxious, I’m exhausted, or I’m not okay”. Therapy is a place where your strength is not required. In fact, a therapist can help you see your real strength. A therapist can help you process what you’ve been carrying, and help you start your mornings feeling grounded, supported, and prepared for the day. Think about trying virtual therapy in the mornings, it could be extremely beneficial, and here at Tamarasa Therapy we are here for you!
Slowing Down is Strong
At first, part of you might feel guilty for focusing on yourself, but the other part of you may feel some relief. This is normal. You may feel uncomfortable at first, or even experience emotional waves that you’re not used to. A therapist can help you process this and work through regulating these emotions. They can even help you work on shaping those interpersonal relationships, so you no longer feel the need to be the strong one all the time. You can let others see those parts of you, if you wish. After all, strength includes softness. It is vulnerability, not weakness because even though it doesn’t always feel like it, you are not the only one experiencing these feelings. You can be strong and supported. You can be busy and balanced.
Ask yourself: What are you afraid will happen if you take a moment to stop? When is the last time you let someone hold space for you?
At Tamarasa Therapy, we specialize in helping people navigate life and the feelings associated with always being busy. With compassion and skill, our therapists offer individualized and convenient telehealth therapy sessions. Meeting with a therapist shortly after you wake in the mornings can help you start the day feeling supported and strong. If morning sessions fit your schedule, you can begin your day feeling present instead of overwhelmed.
Learn more about me, Kaitlyn Skipper, LCSWA, therapist at Tamarasa Therapy. Clients often describe me as empathetic and optimistic. I strive to create a space where you feel valued, supported, and stronger overall.
We are located in Durham at:
6 Consultant Place Suite 100B, Durham, NC 27707 and offer both in-person and online appointments across North Carolina.
